


in case it is the last time (that we might be exactly like we were)

by word_processing



Category: Tenet (2020)
Genre: Blanket Permission, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Neil's POV, POV Third Person, The Protagonist has a name just cause
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:35:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28990812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/word_processing/pseuds/word_processing
Summary: The thing was, Neil had mentioned it before, the idea of Neil being the first to die in this mission of theirs and the reaction that he received told him more than he wanted.
Relationships: Neil/The Protagonist (Tenet)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 38





	in case it is the last time (that we might be exactly like we were)

**Author's Note:**

> I've thought only of Tenet for the last week and I had a lot of feelings about Neil's feelings during the movie so I wrote this. It ended up being more about a Protagoneil moment before the movie. But like all the feels.
> 
> Also, I'm calling the Protagonist David because it was just easier for me to give him a name.
> 
> Title from When We Were Young by Adele

The thing was, Neil had mentioned it before, the idea of Neil being the first to die in this mission of theirs and the reaction that he received told him more than he wanted. They had just come off a mission and were now lying low while they moved forward until whatever the Boss (“You can call me David, babe”) was waiting for. He was always so confident.

_What’s happened happened. An expression of faith._

David had been injured this time around. A conventional bullet piercing his inverted body, and Neil had a terrifying moment where he thought he might lose him. After all these years of loving and fighting and passing through time like ships in the night, he didn’t know what he would do if he actually lost David. At that moment, it felt like it might have killed him too.

Ives had gotten them back to the turnstile, and David was patched up. He was _fine_. They kept assuring him, and even then, it was all Neil could do to keep it together until they returned to the apartment in London. Neil had pressed close, careful of bandages, and kissed David all over. Until the man, doctor’s orders be damned, flipped him over and fucking him into the mattress until Neil could do nothing but whimper.

Neil had thought David was asleep, hours later after they had exhausted themselves. Neil had been cuddled an amount that David thought excessive, and Neil thought adequate. He laid there, brushing his fingers through David’s beard, and whispered, “I want to be the first to go. Selfishly. I hope I’m the first to go because I can’t imagine surviving in this world without.”

David’s hand snapped up and grabbed his wrist, brown eyes open and full of a mix of anguish and anger. “Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that. I…” He went quiet like he realized he’s already said too much.

“What is it? What do you know?” Neil asked, afraid of the answer but desperate to know all the same.

“Nothing.” And like a heavy door, David’s face seemed to close. Neil hated that look. Hated when David wouldn’t let him. He understood things were need to know, but still, he wanted to get let it. Wanted more always.

David sighed, “I can’t tell you. I want to, but it might affect how you behave. Just know that there will come a day when you meet me, and it’s my first time. I’ll have just come out of the CIA, and I won’t know anything about Tenet. I’ll be learning as I go, and it will be your job to lie to me. Your job to let me figure it out for myself.” He was rolled to his side so he could look Neil in the face, touching his cheek. “And know that I love you. I will always love you. Even then, I loved you. Even when I didn’t know you. _I love you_.” He said it with such force like he wanted it to last Neil to the end of his life.

And it was then that something clicked in Neil’s brain. He was trying to make it last because the end would come. Neil steadfastly made himself forget that realization and instead focused on the declaration of love. Hardly their first, but it still made him warm and soft inside.

“I love you too. I will always love you. Even if I have to pretend to not know you. You’ll still know I love you.”

“Yes, I will.”

<><><>

Neil was three drinks in when he sat down next to David. It was harder than he’d thought. Seeing his lover there with no recognition in his eyes. He couldn’t resist the trick with the drinks, and they were off to work, and it was almost like any mission. They worked well together. They were synced up and in tune with each other without even trying. Neil still missed his touch. He wanted to be held and have his hair stroked. He wanted to hold David’s hand and press kisses to his knuckles when they got scrapped and bloody.

But they went through the mission after in Tallinn when he had to call in Ives; he almost thought he’d have to tell David everything. But he remembered what David had said to him. _Your job to let me figure it out for myself._ _What’s happened happened._ So, he promised more information later, which wasn’t really a lie, and they went back a week.

It was amazing. Watching the man, he loved growing into himself. Become the man that he knew. It was also incredibly sexy. There were moments, on the way to Oslo and then on the ship going back to the 14th, that he and David would get caught in the same corner and would end up breathing the same air. Their eyes would lock, and Neil could see it, the love that David had promised would be there no matter what.

They had never managed to do anything. Someone always needed something. Kat needed medication, or Ives wanted to do a briefing. But Neil could sleep easier knowing that David wanted him and he would see his lover again. His owner lover in his own time.

Then, the night before the assault on the hypocenter, while consoling himself with the knowledge that his David was waiting for him, he remembered what David had said all that time ago. _I love you_ with just power that he knew it was meant to be a goodbye. Even if they had had years after that before Neil came on this mission. Neil wasn’t going to see his own David again.

He cried that night. Wept into his pillow and wondered why he had said that. Why he had wanted to be the one to go first. He didn’t want to go anywhere. He wanted David. He’d wanted to go home. He didn’t want to leave David alone in all this.

But of course, he wasn’t leaving David alone. David would go on to found Tenet and would recruit him. They would continue to complete their mission to save the world, fall in love, get into horrible fights, and have fantastic sex. They would be okay.

Neil had gotten up then and splashed some water on his face, looking in the mirror. Time wasn’t linear. He knew that better than most. So, there was no reason to grieve this.

_What’s happened happened. An expression of faith in the mechanics of the universe._

And he loves me. And knows that I love him. That’s enough.

When the moment came, and Neil understood what he had to do, that he needed to go back in and unlock the gate, he smiled. Of course, there was no better locksmith than him.

“Neil, wait,” David sounded devastated, and Neil could only smile because it meant that he loved him. He held onto that as he walked away.

He hoped his smile would give David some peace, and he added, as if to say _I'm okay and you'll be okay too_ , “Now, let me go.”


End file.
